Natural Order - Relationships
Mate selection for long-term relationships is
complex. Despite may potential mates, the odds of success are reduced
by distance, language, availability and sexual preference.
Additionally, those who do not acknowledge
their origin, genetic drivers or sexuality, do
not distinguish between the two
realities, or understand the pattern-response
basis of the brain
will be even more likely to fail in their endeavor to find and secure a
People are like onions. Their core is genetic. Fundamental biological
drives cannot be changed. They can only be frustrated or
Some gene expression can be changed, but only a little with changes in
diet, exercise and weight. With education, mates can alter
the physiology of their partners to make them more physically
attractive and able. That may in turn improve their
self-image, attitude and personality.
The remaining layers are comprised of pattern-responses.
Some reinforce bad behaviors like over-eating and drug use (alcohol,
prescription and illicit). Even when they are recognized as
self-destructive, the dopamine reward response to a consumption,
inhalation or injection pattern can be very difficult to resist.
Substituting a healthy dopamine generation activity like orgasms may be
more effective than denial, and less expensive than third-party
intervention or alternative drug treatments. Similarly, orgasm
addiction may be placated with chocolate.
Some nonsense pattern responses are reinforced to the extent that they
become an irrational phobia.
Altering undesirable behaviors requires understanding and altering
pattern responses, which may be driven by underlying pattern responses.
Peeling away all the layers to find and change the source problematic
response to a pattern, or provide an alternate pattern response may not
be worth the effort. Males will normally recognize the futility before
females, because the nurturing propensity of females makes them more
inclined to believe they can "fix" faulty males.
The older people become, the more layers of pattern responses they
cumulate. They "get set in their ways."
Change is not an option in their remaining lifetime.
Only acceptance and accommodation by one or both mates will
allow a relationship to persist.
Confounding the logical and irrational pattern response layers are
traditional and religious pattern responses. When objectively
evaluated, many make no sense in terms of facilitating the acquisition
of sustenance, shelter and security for gene projection. The story of
sisters cutting the traditional celebration ham into pieces before
cooking it in one or more pots after their mother died illuminates the
situation. After many years of this practice, one sister
finally asks an aunt why their mother partitioned the ham before
cooking it. The aunt replies that she did not have a pot
big enough for the ham.
Not eating pork made sense before proper preparation made consumption
safe. Friday fish consumption, which kept fisherman employed or reduced
the demand for other protein sources was a relatively benign practice.
Sexual mutilation, Berkas, whipping girls for their rape and killing
girls who marry contrary to family wishes are examples of more
ridiculous practices that are in fact counterproductive to gene
projection. Nearly all cultural, traditional and religious practices
have more to do with sustaining an oligarchy than any human or social
One exception is the culturally imposed responsibility for offspring.
The primitive propensity of males to limit their attention to the most
desirable female, because additional females could not be sufficiently
sustained to be monopolized, or because they innately recognized that
gene projection success required dedication to one female was
compromised with the forced subsidy by others of pregnant females and
single mothers known as "social welfare." This encouraged some males to
indulge their propensity to fornicate
with every ovulating female they encounter. To counter this
tendency the culture made males aware of
responsibility for any resulting child should their sexual intercourse
successful. Consequently, males avoid copulation, conception or
avoid that responsibility until they encounter a female who satisfies
many criteria besides biological interest.
Another is limiting mates to one and mating to one at a time.
Reliable contraception enabled males and females to
enjoy the pleasure of fornication largely without fear of producing
children. The more a female enjoys
fornication, the less sustenance, shelter or security she demands in
exchange, but the trade persists at some level, limiting the number of
females a male can afford to enjoy. Females are not similarly
limited, but proving to a desirable previous male that her child is his
rather than that of a less desirable subsequent male may be difficult,
and parallel mating is culturally discouraged. Males
providing sustenance, shelter and security to more than one female and
their progeny would be naturally inclined to have multiple females were
for cultural, traditional or religious restrictions expressed
as law or otherwise.
What is one to do?
Someone seeking a mate is encumbered with their own unique set of
responses. Their potential mates are similarly encumbered.
The disjoint set of pattern responses of the pair is
Remove unnecessary layers of your onion. Recognize irrational
pattern responses, and eliminate them. Recognize illogical cultural,
traditional and religious pattern responses, and eliminate them.
Recognize superfluous logical pattern responses, and
eliminate them. In other words, minimize your baggage.
Objectively evaluate potential mates. Avoid the self-delusion inherent
with subjective reality.
Unexpressed expectations are deadly to relationships. Despite
the inclination to hide or disguise expectations to avoid rejection,
expectations should be delineated and shared, so each individual can
degree of pattern-response incongruity and the cost to reduce the
incongruity of those pattern responses relative to the benefit of
mating. If either person is unwilling to accommodate the
expectations of the other, admit failure and look elsewhere. If both
agree mating is practical, convert the expectations into a marriage
contract. Regularly review the contract to remind and assure both that
the contract is being satisfied, or mutually agree to modify it.